Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
