God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
