I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
