Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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