Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
