My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
