Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
