maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
