The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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