I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
