Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
