no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
