i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
