he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
