is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
