dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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