but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
