i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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