I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
