Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
