I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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