Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
