he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
