and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
