...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
