I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
