smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
