i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
