Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
