dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
