i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
