You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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