my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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