If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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