Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So squirting runs in the family.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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