you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
