Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
