I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
