i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
