I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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