I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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