I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
