so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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