come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
