My friends, they love my intelligence
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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