My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
