i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
