I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize