The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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