Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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