the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
