Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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