I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
