You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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