seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Randomize