And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
