im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
