So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my being single is dangerous.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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