Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
