your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
