You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
