Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
