so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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