this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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