lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
