so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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