I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
