btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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