hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
