Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
