you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
