so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
