If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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