we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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