Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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