ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
