2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
