Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
