I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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