There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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