dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
