I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
